Things really have changed. I’ve lost friends, gained new ones, seen all sorts of things in Japan I didn’t notice before, gotten wasted for the first time (and only a little, even), been mistaken for a teacher, gotten myself back into poetry, among other life changing things. There’s only a little time left. And what i want to do, whether to stay here or go home, is a million times more complicated than it was before. Maybe, in time, I’ll put it up here. Maybe not. I’m thinking of putting writing and a whole list of other things up here. If I will or not, don’t know. But there’s one thing I do know, after everything that has happened, is that this trip, this crazy adventure to Japan, no matter what comes of it, how broke I end up, how useless it turns out to be for my future, how much pain and misery and reminiscing it causes, how many things it ruins, no matter what comes of it at all, I’m happy I came.

That’s all I have to take away from this trip, deep down, along with a little Japanese practice and a lighter wallet and heavier baggage and some new friends, but at the same time, sometimes, it actually feels like it was worth it.

I’ve come up with a new idea to get pictures in this blog, since Flickr apparently won’t let me do that as easily as I want, which kind of makes it a complete waste, really. -_- Otherwise, I’ve been trying to write up what’s been going on, but since every day I’ve gotten back from my daily trips with about enough energy to collapse into bed, it’s been going . . . slow. I will be writing all about it this time, for certain.

And now, school is finally coming up. I don’t think I’ve ever been so ready to go to school or work in any point in my life. I really can’t wait for something to do that knocks me on my ass.

Okay, I’m done. Back to work.

Of course, I’m now on a two week trip around Tokyo, Hakone, and Kyoto on a tourism jaunt. So far, nothing particularly of note to mention, other than the flight between is still long as all hell. That, and I missed the last chance I had at root beer for four months because O’Hare airport doesn’t stock root beer, for whatever reason. I checked every store in the terminal, and not a single one had it.

The airline food wasn’t too bad; I had beef with mushrooms and mashed potatoes instead of the sometimes dangerously bad rice and chicken dish that I chose the last two flights. Airline food isn’t so bad anymore, but I have yet to go to a Japanese meal for hundreds of people that makes rice well. And then we had that pale imitation of Kitsune Ramen (instant ramen with bits of fried tofu and dried carrots inside) like always. And then, for some reason, I was served the final meal (some kind of sandwich) even though I was asleep. It was nice, but when I woke up we were about to land and I only had time to eat the fruit bowl. Of course, I got to eat the fruit bowl. ^^

I have to say, though, that I’m a bit worried about what might come of being here with my family. Food is a big issue; after all, both my mom and my grandmother are still learning how to use chopsticks, among other things. But I’m also a bit unsure at their willingness to eat Japanese food. I’ll admit, until very recently, I was a pretty damn picky eater myself, but I’ve gotten a lot better, and I’ll pretty much eat anything served to me in Japan. Sure, I’m still a bit careful about what I order, but nobody’s perfect. They haven’t done too poorly, and seem to be enjoying themselves, but still, I’m a bit worried. At least we haven’t come across any natto or something like that.

Then there’s the hot springs we’re going to in a couple days. They both brought swimsuits, in hopes that there were at least some which would require that instead of being naked. Sure, I’m all for comfort and everything, and to be honest I’m kind of hoping for that too, so I don’t have to deal with them complaining or asking for every possible explanation about what to do that I can. As for me, myself, though, I’d really love a real onsen. Some people may find the idea of sitting in a big tub of water with a bunch of naked people somewhat disturbing (or very disturbing, depending), but having swallowed my pride and just gone in, it’s incredibly relaxing. Outdoor even more so — though a dividing wall, hedge, fence, or other barricade between me and the rest of the world is still pretty good to have.

Aaargh, I’m getting tired, even after having an apple tea and some riceballs. I guess that happens when you don’t sleep the night before a fourteen-sixteen hour flight to a timezone halfway around the world. I took some cool pictures today, but they’re all out of focus. One sign at the airport, though, said “Fraudulent Passports & Documents Control Being Reinforced.” I don’t know if that’s true Engrish or what, but it caught my eye. Next, which I’ll actually put up, is a pic from the Dolls day display down in the front hall. . . . . . . Or I would, if Flickr didn’t suddenly not do what I wanted. >_<

Well, maybe tomorrow, then.

The problem with being young is not the feeling of invincibility, or the often-fleeting idealism, or the lack of experience. It’s the passage of time. And not in the fact that we’re getting old, but that in this time, the one time that we’re most able to do things, most open to change, freedom, adventure, new ideas, and evolution and growth, we’re trapped in choices of who we want to be with. Not in terms of whether it’s better to hang out with geeks or drug addicts, or preppies or people with real dreams, or some new age crap like that (honestly, everyone in that sentence but the preppies are worth hanging out with, even if you choose not to take the drugs). For some, this doesn’t happen, doesn’t affect them, and I envy those people. As for me, and most college students or people who travel, and occasionally work, we’re stuck with a difficult choice. We have friends everywhere, but only so much time to spend with each set. And each choice cuts us off from most everyone else.

I’ve got great friends here at home. I’ve got wonderful and entertaining friends in DC. And I’ve met some of the best people I know in Japan. No matter where I go, there are great people. But wherever I go, I have to leave the rest behind. Oh, sure, today, with the internet and all that, communication and such is easier than ever, and back in the day, and today still, letters and such keep us tied together if we take the time for them. But a letter, an email, an IM chat is not hanging out with friends. That’s not playing improv games after school because we can, or debating the console wars, or going to Disneyland on a lark, or singing Eminem songs we memorized that morning. But no matter what happens, I can’t do all those all at once. It’s one at a time, and in a few months all I can hope for is that the next group is still there when times change.

And in a couple years, I’m off into nowhere-specific-land. Once I’m out of college, who knows what’s going down. Maybe I should feel excited. People say the best time of your life is being young; if it’s true, then life really must suck later on down the line, i guess. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think about all this. My friends are important to me, even though I’m often not the easiest, or most hardworking person trying to keep in touch with. But I’m really not sure that all this is really that great, when all we do is meet people from across the globe, who are all wonderful people, and will then disappear from most of our lives. Is that all there is to this?

I probably need some sleep; clear the last of this cigar out of me, and get ready for my last day full day in the states. As for this crap, . . . well, maybe I’ll get it someday. Probably not. One good reason not to let people change their mind about things two days before they have to leave, you know? ^_^;

First off, as for the JapanesePod101.com, It’s actually pretty nice. Mainly, because it’s free. You don’t need to sign up for an account to get the podcasts, just subscribe to the feed (it’s on iTunes) and you can download the last handful, and a couple introductory ones. Given some time, you can pick up a pretty fair number of episodes (I’ve got about a hundred after the last few months), and there’s a new one just about every day. If you sign up for an account (which can be for free, if you want older episodes or to write comments on what you hear), you can download any of their old episodes from their site, and a paid subscription gets an iTunes feed that includes all the PDFs and other bonus material into their downloads for every episode they have. The lessons’s are short and simple, covering a single conversation, some vocab, and a grammar point. Occasionally, they cut out some of the grammar lesson and say “Refer to the PDF” which you can only read if you pay, but most of the time they’ll at least explain the basic idea and give you an example before they say that. Plus, they’ve got really simple lessons for beginners, and some full length all-Japanese episodes for people who are very good. Also, if you’re interested in other languages, they’ve got one for Korean, Spanish, Italian, and several other languages, including one about short survival lessons and one for Japanese people trying to learn English.

As for other things, I’ve gotten myself some kind of job, pretty much officially now, working as a writer for a tiny gaming company. Unfortunately, I’ll now be working while I’m in Japan on our latest game, hopefully in time for a contest we are trying to enter.

Otherwise, right now it’s just packing, taxes, and paperwork. Nothing like getting ready for a crazy trip; and trying to figure out what classes to take next semester when you haven’t really though about school for three months. >_<

First of all, I’ve finally gotten around and signed myself up for what seems like a good learning tool for Japanese, a website called JapanesePod101.com (you can probably figure the website address out yourself). I’ve recently gotten really interested in podcasts, mainly tech and computer ones (This week in Tech, Security Now, Daily Giz Whiz, the Maximum PC podcast), as well as a few others that I knew in their original forms, but can get podcasts of (NPR’s News and Car Talk, as well as Real Time with Bill Maher). Sure, it pretty much means I have to use one of the worst pieces of computer software out there, iTunes (though, to be fair, Vista is probably worse), but at least I have yet to pay for any of my Apple software and hardware (my iPod was an gift for Christmas, and I’ve already found a non Apple replacement when this one breaks in a couple years [SanDisk's Sansa Clip]). JP101 is probably the only real educational one on there, though I’ve picked up more about computer tech in the last two months listening to all those computer podcasts than I have in all the years I’ve used computers (which is my whole life).

JP101 is pretty good, though, because it’s actually made in Tokyo using natural Japanese speakers, and they don’t skimp on audio quality or bonus stuff for people who want to pay for it. If you’re cheap like me, though, you don’t even need to sign up for it. Though I haven’t listened to enough to really recommend it to people learning. Check it out for yourself, they’ve got a short backlist up on iTunes all the time, and they update six days a week, so you’ll start collecting a pretty serious library fairly fast. I’m going to start listening to more over the next few weeks, at least until I get to school again, so I’ll write up on how that goes as I figure it out.

The other thing that’s been going on was my last dance lesson. No, I’m not a dance student or anything, but my family wanted to learn some basic ballroom dancing for a wedding a few years ago, and we ended up signing up for six lessons. Given that we apparently had an average rate of two lessons per year, our skill hasn’t gotten much better. Until today, I could’ve cared less; I’ve always been kind of interested in learning, but having my mom as a dance partner never really was all that appealing. I’d much rather be with my friends in most instances, than my family, even though we do get along well, and this was one of them.

But apparently, as I just found out, they have a number of schools all over the country, and, much to my surprise, five schools in Japan. So, apparently, if I wanted to, I could keep taking lessons in Japan, and probably manage a bit better than our current rate of practice. I’m not sure I trust how simple the man in charge made it seem to be to attend the lessons, but it’s another thing that’s gotten thrown onto my pile of stuff to figure out this month, and to be honest, I’m really not happy about it. Mainly because it could actually be a lot of fun. That, and it all came up during the fairly classic last ditch sales pitch time at the end of our last lesson, which is seeming just a bit too convenient. I really don’t need any more crap to think about right now.

I bring it up, though, not to spend the entry talking all about anime, but one little thing that’s come up in a couple episodes. There happens to be one character of particular note, named Gilbert; a rather unimportant bumbling villain type character, who’s most notable features are his his blond afro, dark tan, and probably the best weird accenting of Japanese I’ve ever heard. If you’ve ever listened to Japanese enough to sort of know the way the language sounds, or have spoke it for a little while, it’s dead obvious how totally wrong it’s done. I would describe it as a hyperactive auction-house game show host on some sort of drug, probably a hallucinogen of some type, though exactly which, I can’t be sure. An auctioneer is probably the closest English cultural equivalent I can think of; you know he’s speaking English, and you understand what he’s saying, but it doesn’t have the right sound, and consciously you know there’s something about it that’s just not right.

And that’s brought me to thinking on speaking Japanese. Japanese pronunciation, or hatsuon for those looking for random words to use, or already know them, is not something I get why people struggle with. After first, or maybe second semester of Japanese, (it’s hard to remember what it’s like to speak badly at a language, or just worse, in my case; just try and explain what you sounded like when you were learning your first language) I pretty much had it down in my head. I’ve gotten better since I’ve been in Japan, and of all the things I know, it’s the one I’ve been most complimented on (and deservedly so, since my vocabulary, grammar, and conversation skills all suck). But I’ve seen people struggle with it, and I just can’t understand why.

Japanese has five vowels, and they all sound exactly the same. Unlike English, where tomato (toh-may-toh) and tomato (toh-mah-toh), potato and potato (same as before, though it always seems the first ones are more right), a (ay) and a (ah), and all sorts of other vowels are completely different depending on the word, even though they use the same letter. The consonants are the same just about every time. I could probably explain all the rules, exceptions, and nuances of Japanese pronunciation in about five minutes while walking down the street; to do the same for English, I’d need some paper to keep track, it could take a good half hour just to think of them all, and unless I had a phonics book handy, which I don’t, I’d probably miss something.

Granted, there are accents in lots of Japanese words, and when you consider that is often the only difference between hundreds of words (since there are so few options to pronounce words with given that there are no nuances amongst the consonant-vowel sounds), I can definitely see how that trips someone up. But English has accents, and those are certainly important too.

Just, hearing people struggle with the vowels, though, is starting to grate on my nerves. Maybe it’s just whenever my family does it that I really get annoyed at it; I’m not stupid enough to think that beginners should be chastised for not knowing, but when you explain a fairly simple thing out, five or six times, saying “This vowel always sounds like this”, and them replying that they really want to learn some of the language, that something as basic as that would stick. Maybe family is just grating on me.

It’s just, when people are going to use a language, it bothers me when they don’t do their best in the moment of using it. I’m out of practice, and I don’t give my vocab much workout on a daily basis, but when I speak, I really try to say what I want to say properly. I may not have the right word, and I may have to spend minutes trying to flesh out enough description to explain what word I’m trying to use multiple times in a single conversation no matter what the topic, but I’d just as much like to keep using it correctly. “Sprinted John when starter pistol the fired.” bothers me much more than “John ran very fast after John heard the really loud noise.” Of course, it could just be easier for me than other people.

There is one thing, though, about Japanese that I never really expected to think: I really do miss speaking and hearing it on a daily basis. It feels weird. I never went a day without English (native English, no less), and should I ever end up in Japan on a semi-permanent basis, and should that happen (which I would doubt, though maybe I would speak with far fewer native speakers), I might miss it too. But I really do feel a little empty not being able to speak Japanese. It felt so important for so long, and now, back in the US, it’s almost completely useless. It kind of sucks, to be honest. I’m certainly a hellofva lot more eager to go back to Japan than to go to Japan. I wonder how long that will last once I make it there.

For certain, I’m not very well versed on the Japanese character and general persona. I don’t really know all that much about them; hell, I’ve spent four months in the country and read a few books as a person, not an anthropological student. Most of the time in Japan I spent speaking English, and my Japanese is still so lacking I’ll probably still barely, if at all, comprehend, most of the conversations I’m involved in. I’m eloquent enough to bumble out enough words that other people can piece together what I’m trying to say — I’d say I’m sort of like a four year old using college vocabulary. But, to use a logical fallacy I’ve already gone and used several times this entry, and will pretty much every time I write here — hearsay — I’ve heard a bit about the Japanese character.

As for whether or not they’re quiet, the answer is, as expected, NO! The college kids I spend time around are certainly quieter than the average American counterpart, from my experience, and some are quieter than my own college friends, but they’re not soft-spoken diplomats. I’ve got a video of one guy making a goofy imitation of one of the IES coordinators, I’ve heard girls squeal with glee like the best of them, and I’ve had more excited discussions than quiet contemplations. When I talk with my friends, they talk just like anyone else: like people.

I would say the way my Japanese friends talk to me is different from the way my American ones do; I think of the word “reasoned” when I think of them, but I know it’s not the right word, and considering some of the stupid shit I’ve heard from some people, it’s definitely not the right word. “Calmer” is closer, but not quite. . . . “Seasoned.” And no, not because they’re properly salted.

It’s weird; sometimes, it seems there’s just a bit more worldly understanding amongst my friends in Japan than the US. It’s certainly not true; I’ve met immature people, though many are not as immature as they seem, and many who seem to be at least appear to be. And I’ve heard enough protest stories, drug adventures, and just all around terrible shit to know the difference between an American acting immature and being so.

. . . I suppose this is getting rather confusing. And, in an attempt to summarize it in a rather short amount of time, my point is that in Japan, most people seem so much more mature and understanding as a whole. At least, as I understand mature: calm, collected, willing to listen and examine without prejudice, and in control of themselves. It’s a different atmosphere; I don’t know if that’s good or not, nor can I say whether this is a case of the two faces, honne and tatemai (“private” and “public” appearances and feelings, respectively), instead of real emotional maturity. And besides, what do I know about maturity? I’m not even drinking age yet in the US, I’m still following my dream of writing as an English major, and I’d much rather spend the days lounging about, relaxing, telling jokes, and goofing off with friends or alone, than discuss politics and get a job. And who’s really going to know what mature really is? Plus, what kind of proof do I have on this sort of thing?

What I will say is I definitely feel it: a different atmosphere. Good or not, I’m still unsure about that. But there’s something in the air, something about most people, that’s a little different from just about all of my life until those four months. And when I hear facts about Japan’s food being half imported, that it had a history of deadly weather and natural disasters, it seems to make just a little bit of sense. Maybe not, maybe I’m just crazy, but given how tired i feel right now, I don’t think I’m going to figure any more out tonight.

 Well, in two weeks, I’m going back to Japan. I had no real problems other than a couple delayed and cancelled flights between Chicago and Boston to mess up the trip (thanks to a snowstorm on the way home, which really ruined a couple friends’ travel plans, though they did make it home ^^), and after getting back to normal day-night (as well as someone who regularly goes to bed at midnight to 3 am and wakes up at noon if not needed for something), nothing really happened. I did a few things, did some Japan stand-up for my high school alumni performance night, saw friends a few times, and that’s about all. It’s been quiet. Very quiet. For three months.

And now I’m going back. I’m a little better prepared language wise for Japan, mainly because I know what to expect, not because of actual preparations. That, and I speak a hell of a lot better than when I went last time. I don’t know how this semester is going to go, though, because there’s also a hell of a lot more things that need to get done and figured out. I’m going on a two week trip around Japan with family before school starts (which is in two weeks; the actual program starts at the end of march), I need to get used to living with an actual Japanese family (which I do not know anything about yet, though I’m supposed to soon), I’m going to be working in a Japanese business once a week doing . . . something (probably won’t know until the program actually starts, either), I’ve got to get my classes for next semester organized and set my schedule up online from thirteen time zones away, I’ve got to figure out if I’m going to grad school right away, and if so, figure out where without ever actually going to one, and prepare for the GRE while abroad (since I’ll really only have August to take it [if I can then -_-] ), and that’s just things this month. Of course, then there’s that minor character flaw i have (*coughlazinesscough*) which meant I got no job during this summer break long . . . well, break between semesters, and therefore have a little less than i spent last semester to last me from now to my next job back in DC senior year.

I guess I should feel tons of pressure, but I really don’t. Which is actually bad, because pressure to get things done is really my only motivator anymore. There are things I’m worrying over for next semester (how the hell do I get my stuff there with a two week trip beforehand, what about gifts for the family, how do I get back in touch with friends there I haven’t spoken with in a while, etc.), but as is fairly clear, I’m not the most earth-shattering of people around when it comes to things I’m thinking on.

Though, one things for sure, I’ll be glad to be able to eat enough to be full again. Yes, I actually have eaten a *lot* less in the US than Japan, despite smaller portions and such. Not for health reasons, I don’t give a crap about them, nor for social or political ones. The main reason is transportative. I cannot drive, and while in DC and Japan I can just go anywhere and get whatever I feel like eating, because they are cities with good public transportation, lunch and breakfast has pretty much been snack foods and peanut butter sandwiches. And since we regularly run out of snacks and bread, a lot of days I’ve just skipped eating until dinner because there really was nothing to eat that I could and wasn’t there to be made for dinner for all of us. For the first time in maybe nine years, I want to eat breakfast every day.

And on that, I’m going to get food. I’ll probably have another entry before the day is done.

(Random Tidbit: Yes,  I do think keeping a running gag area going constantly is more important than actually putting in reliable content. What gave it away? ^^)